Week 2

Well week one was hectic and tiring, every shift I am on my feet, and its rapid getting things down the production line but so worth it. Knowing I have money coming in to my account, and not relying on the government like so many graduates, even if it is minimum wage, there is something about working an honest day. I would highly recommend it! Get a job, any job, and treat it like a stop job. Today was suppose to be my “lucky day,” according to my fortune cookie from the weekend….not sure what to believe. Today was pretty average I did my food hygiene test (fingers cross for a pass, it was so obvious that it was easy to make a mistake), but I did get a phone call from a graduate scheme agency however, when I called back (I have been on the course all day) it went to answer phone. This particular job did not mention grade and its sales! It sounds quite fun. Although, I read a forum saying this particular company call you no matter what then tell you, you are not suitable and waste your time. But today was my “lucky day” is that a good sign? Probably not I am feeling a bit demoralised.

I like many graduates are just bidding their time, seeing if their current job will provide progression opportunities or if the countless applications they keep filling out will result in something. Please, please, please. I am starting to worry that the fire in my belly determined to succeed, determined to do well, ready for a challenge, will actually go out if someone doesn’t give me something applicable to my experiences as a job. Although, I am grateful for a job and enjoying having money I myself have earned, I am ready for something that isn’t very basic. I want to use the degree I have for something, so its not a waste of money. I mean I probably could have worked harder at my degree, but I wouldn’t have had any money to live off (not just socially, but for food and rent) and I guess this experience gives me something that many who got 2.1 and 1sts do not have. I have experience actually working with different people, people from all walks of life. I got a taste of the REAL working world before I graduated. I got to deal with balancing different things ready for proper adulthood. I guess you have to look at the positives in life when you are in the same position as me, or any position that you know will be a struggle. I am trying to be optimistic, its all you can do, you have to pick yourself up. Good Luck.

First real full time job…language barriers? What?

Well I have been in work for 3 days now and its going well I am getting the hang of it. The early mornings are still a killer but I hope it will get easier with time and practice. The work itself is tedious and repetitive, which is fine but I tend to get a bad back from it…nothing major more like an annoying niggle, but ho hum got to man up and deal with it. Its money at the end of the day. What I am struggling with about having a basic job, apart from that the money isn’t going to make me a millionaire, it’s that the people I predominantly work with are Polish, and not many speak English. I don’t mind it and I am not going to be one of those snobby British people about it, saying “why are they here if they can’t speak the language,” “bloody foreigners,” etc etc. I don’t know whether you heard or have read that the reason the UK economy is so great is, because of the migrant work force. Meaning we have to pay extra money to the EU (call me a Euro Sceptic but, the EU is bad on so many levels, good for working abroad and allowing hard workers over here to make up for the people who refuse to work, good for free market economy etc but not much else…I could go on).

Anyway, the people I work with are hard workers they get things done and they are attempting to help me learn despite the language barrier. Of course there are a few who do the bare minimum, and turn their nose up at you just because you are British, but most of them are great and we can have stuttered conversations, which is nice. The only issue is that,  with my colleagues and the supervisor being Polish and I am not sure the supervisor speaks English at all or just chooses not to, but he will bark orders in Polish and my colleagues will scatter and disappear, and I won’t know what I am doing next. I have found that just following them like a little lost lamb works just as well. Of course there are British people who work there and they are all really nice including the managers, but none of them are usually there to talk to me because they are assigned to different tasks. But I think this is a great experience, its like a working holiday in a different country, except its 15min drive away from my own bed.

I have a DILEMMA! I want to learn Polish in order to speak to some of my team and show them I care and am not ignorant. However, I mentioned my idea to a couple of British coworkers who thought it wasn’t a good idea and, I suppose the thought of learning a language so you can get along better at work in your own country sounds bizarre. They also mentioned that you may not want to hear their conversations especially if they happen to talk about you, VERY TRUE! So do I learn some phrases and words which could lead to me hearing something I don’t want to hear? Do I just keep being oblivious to what’s going on? I mean, I have a Polish friend from University, who is awesome and I could ask her for some help (my language app is no use) so learning it is no real problem. But, do I do it? May just learn the basics and see what happens! Anyway early start again tomorrow, so even though it is only 7.20pm I am ready for bed, na night!

Ambitions can you really have any with no direction……

Everyday I feel that my life is going nowhere. I went to university with ambitions but the more I got in to my studies the more that little spark of ambition flickered until finally it blew out. From being a straight A student who loved knowing things, learning and sharing that knowledge, to someone that wanted out and to be happy not stressed. I know there is always going to be stress in life but what I experienced in uni was something else. I managed to persevere and get through it but it just put me off wanting to do anything that involves an academic qualification before getting the job. I realised that the people who did well some were arseholes, and as Interpol students they are the reason politics is so bad! You get ahead by doing well! Which is great, but the amount of people who did well, most of them were just idiots (OK some were lovely, and deserve the very best I swear I am not that bitter) but I think there needs to be a way of valuing someone on personality and certain ways they behave that makes them good for the job. I just wanted to do well, but having no ambition for the actual degree did not help at all. I wanted to be happy but during uni I felt awful, I pushed my friends away through stress, I was just awful as a person.

So what now? What do I do without this spark. Well I have found writing it down helps this is why I have started this blog. I have found that I enjoy writing, I always used to until I was reeling out essay after essay of mindless words only to be marked down for not agreeing with the lecturer. I want to write for fun again, but I need the practice……I would love to get back in to the journalistic style of writing, and have even applied for jobs but due to lack of recent experience, my applications are a waste of time. I guess that’s my new ambition. I have no direction of where this is going but I do have ambition. I have no direction of where I want to go but I want to be happy, and I am lucky to have the support of my family. So for now I keep working earning some money am not going to be an idiot and wait around for the right thing I am going to work and keep applying and trying, you can have ambition but no direction. But it takes time, hopefully I will find the direction when the compass stops spinning and then I can reach out and take everything I want. I guess its just going to take a lot longer than having an actual qualification for it. I just hope this works and Ican get where iI want to be….happy and successful.

Update after my induction……

So today was the day that I finally started my new job! Ok, it was a 2 and a half hour induction and tour of the factory, but I still get paid for it, so I guess it counts right? I start properly on Monday at 6am! I am quite excited even though to start with I was told it would be tedious doing the same thing day in day out until I get used to it and am able to tackle more things. Its something I think the thing is, you can’t be afraid to start from the bottom and work hard! I also spoke about working in the test kitchen coming up with new recipes and trying new things, as well as being trained technically to finish gateaus and cakes. I think there are many career opportunities and progression for such an entry level job. However, I am going to have to work and won’t automatically get these opportunities because I am a graduate… you can’t think like that especially in today’s market.

In terms of careers I have no clue what I want to do in the future, this will do for now and if the right thing comes along then great. That doesn’t mean I am not going to try, you have to but, its easier to get a job when you already have one. I am really enjoying this writing malarkey even if I am really bad at it. I have some ideas I would like to write about but, don’t want to just splurge out random posts (ok I am doing it right now). I will probably get round to it eventually. I know its not realistic but I want to have a fun career, that I am passionate about, so I can really give it my all. I guess we all do.

I am back….I swear….I never left!

Sorry guys for being missing the past week! I have been having some well deserved chill out time before I start my first proper full time job. After spending some amazing time with friends and the boyfriend in my University town, I am back to the countryside, back to the real world. Tomorrow I have my induction ready to start first thing on Monday at 6am!!!! Ouch!!! Its going to hurt! I am really enjoying writing at the moment, and I really do apologise for my bad grammar etc, I hope there is SOME improvement. I have only just realised you can write your own articles on BuzzFeed so I am giving that a go. Feel free to have a look http://www.buzzfeed.com/lcmrwales its very basic but thought it would be a good supplement to this blog. Also, please look at the most wonderful video in the world of Teddy Bear the Porcupine, I promise it will make your day!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cILZ_cB3_so

Halloween

Its that time of year again! I love the effort it takes to get ready and the variety of costumes. From last minute thrown together costumes to expensive shop bought ones, home made taken ages ones and of course the wear as little as possible! After a last minute thrown together one last year I have decided to make the effort! I am going as Mrs Lovett and my other half is going as Sweeney Todd. Couples costume ahhh *cringe* OK OK this isn’t one of those sad couples costumes like smurfs or Disney it is pretty awesome and as coupley as we are going to get. We did originally think of van helsing and a vampire but too much effort alert!!!! So here we go so excited to wear the dress! It was only £30 and great quality! Since it is Movember tomorrow I have convinced the boyfriend to shave his beard in to side burns for his costume! It took a lot of persuading! Time to get him to shave! Happy Halloween!!!

On the road (Finally) bring on the freedom!

After being promised in 2013 that for my 20th Birthday I could have my car put through the MOT ready for me to drive it I have finally cashed in my present! I had been saving for tax and insurance and waiting to get a job so I could afford to run it! The time came for me to have a job…and the car was still sat there relying on my parents and loving boyfriend to drive me round. But now with this new job my car having been SORN and sat in the drive for over a year, passed its MOT!!! Hooray! Only £250 to get it on the road, much cheaper than buying a new car, and I know when its running it is reliable and efficient (touch wood). As of midnight tonight I am insured on my little ford fiesta, (named Baby after the song “Go baby, Go baby, Go!” and the fact it was the same colour and similar shape to my Dad’s old Range Rover) and tomorrow I will go to the Post Office and get the tax sorted! I am so excited! On Wednesday, I get to drive to my University town to spend a chill out week with the boyfriend before I start my job, and I get to drive one of my best friends there too! OMG! I am so excited! Can you tell? Life is good right now (touch wood) especially after the disaster of University, things do look up. Onwards and upwards!

Why I hated my degree!

I was a joint honours student Psychology and Politics wooohooo! Well known good university as well wow! Well, during my A-levels I struggled to do some of the courses I had taken, I had taken them in hopes of pursuing a career in law. I took Law and English, both for that reason, French in hopes I could find a job easier having a second language, and finally Politics for a bit of fun. I was not very good at Law but loved the Criminology side and English I was even worse at, having been good in high school. The french teacher I hated (I went to a different high school to sixth form college) and did not want to do and dropped that after first year, having really loved it before! Politics I loved, I adored and was also good at it! When it came round to doing UCAS I was looking for courses I would enjoy. Having read you should choose the A-levels you would enjoy rather than aiming for a career, like I had done, I decided to apply the same principle to University course. BIG MISTAKE!

Politics at University is very different, I loved it but it was all knowledge based in College, at Uni it was essay based and how you write not necessarily what you know. If you wanted to be brave and write a contradicting essay to the lecturer you can expect lower marks! I finally got the hang of this but felt I was lying to myself most of the time.

Psychology I did enjoy it, it was very interesting. However, I could not do it, I could do the very science based questions involving stats but I did not understand them. When I found out I had to do a dissertation in psychology, I frantically tried to drop it and do straight Politics, or do my dissertation in Politics. But as I was just about to complete my second year, I couldn’t I had “done too many modules outside each department.” I was screwed! I ended up doing a diss I did not enjoy, with a tutor I hated and who I found no help, as my diss was in the end not my original idea!

I did very bad in my degree because the psychology pulled me down, and looking back I could have worked harder, but at the time I was stressed and when I am stressed I shut down and can’t function! I also, have no aim in life in terms of not knowing what I want to do! Don’t take a degree because you love it and are good at it! Choose your degree in terms of getting a job after, and with high career prospects. Good luck, please don’t make the same mistakes I have made!

Why I moved in with my boyfriend…briefly.

**Deep post coming up**

Ok, if you took the time to read my last post about long distance relationships, first of all congrats, to getting to the end of such a mammoth essay I did try to break it up in to sections….and failed! If you skim read it, shame on you…..just kidding I really don’t blame you. I can’t even be bothered to read it! As you may have seen I wrote about moving in with my boyfriend unofficially for a few months, well this is worth a post of its own!

For my second year I had moved in with my group of friends from first year, some of whom I had lived with. There were seven of us in total. I am not sure where this all started off but I have a feeling that because I was trying to balance spending time with Tom, and them that a gap grew between myself and my friends. Not helped by my need for tidy communal areas, bedrooms don’t matter because you don’t have to share a space! I could stay over at Tom’s one night and come home to a filthy kitchen, it wasn’t the washing up because that was usually piled out of the way, it was the dirty work surfaces and hob. My thinking of the situation is leave a kitchen ready to be used by the next person. The one lad I had originally got on with now annoyed the hell out of me because he was the main culprit. We had rats in the house which didn’t help so made things worse! We had been told about them by the old tenants but I dismissed them as the other tenants were messy, so entirely my fault that we had lived there, but it was cheap!

As I had a part time job, I stayed over Christmas in the house and while everyone including my boyfriend went home. I had a deal with my boyfriend and his flat mates that if any rats came out of hiding and I saw one I could move to there’s until everyone was back. I was going home a couple of days before Christmas but still wanted to be home right now. After, coming back from work one evening I locked the front door. I had originally just pushed it as it automatically locks but it bounced open, so I walked and closed it and its not one that you can leave off the latch. Well I made some food and went to bed, I could hear rats scuttling in the walls which was creepy. The next day I had a day off in the morning so woke up quite late. I went to the bathroom which was at the top of the stairs and if you stood at the top opposite was the front door down the bottom. I heard a dripping noise like a leak, I thought great we have a leak yay! So I went to the toilet and thought right lets have a quick look. I got to the top of the stairs and the front door was wide open and the rain was coming in I closed it and investigated the house. No-one there. I moved out that day to my boyfriends flat. I think this is where the tension between myself and my flat mates got worse.

I stayed over Christmas and when everyone came back I did spend the odd night at mine but I hated it after the door was wide open. I didn’t want to risk being left alone. So I unofficially moved in with him. My flat mates had grown distant during the first term so even though I had technically moved away I tried to make the effort and drop a text now and again to see if they wanted to grab coffee, or watch a movie just do things friends would do. But they weren’t seeing if I wanted to do things with them because I wasn’t there not that they couldn’t have text me! Even when I was there they left me out! Our friendship was pretty much over, not that I wanted it to be! I spent less and less time there, I wasn’t using electricity which was on a meter, I wasn’t using water or the kitchen I was still paying rent though. What really happened was that I refused to put money in to a pay for what you use machine because I wasn’t there using it. I think my flat mates thought I wouldn’t pay anything, I said I would pay the water bill because its a bill and I have used it before but because electricity is pay as you go and I wasn’t using any of it I would only pay for part of it just to keep them ticking over, and because I was renting there. Fair right? It sounds pathetic but I was on such a tight budget, if i wasn’t it wouldn’t matter. I did try and make the effort and still paid even though I shouldn’t. I even offered to come round and cook for everyone. This was when another issue started, I offered to cook for everyone, a couple even said they would do some food as well so we could have a three course meal (student life right). One of them couldn’t help out as she had Uni all day so I said its fine I will cook for you. When the other two found out they weren’t happy, because according to them she never helps out, or offers to cook etc and it ended up we all excluded her! I said it and I know I shouldn’t have but I was influenced so easily by the need to work out the tensions and be friends again! It ended upsetting her and I wanted to talk to her later that night. I found out that her and the girl who didn’t want her included had kind of fallen out and grown apart, that night we laughed we cried and I said I would have a word and just see if we could sort it out. When I spoke to the other one the next day she was very angry and accusing towards me and blamed me for it (Hint: don’t get involved, I know that now!) we ended up having a big falling out. That’s it, done. We did end up making up in the end but I gave up and spent all my time with boyfriend.

I look back and regret some of the decisions I have made at the time, I should have included everyone, I should have just paid for the electricity even though I wasn’t using it. I should have stayed quiet. For my final year I chose to live with a friend on my course (oooo another blog) and through out my final year I did make the effort to see everyone. But for the girl I had helped out and comforted after I was so mean, I had thought we were still friends, so on her 21st I wished her a Happy Birthday through text, (I don’t like doing it on Facebook, as I want to wish everyone a happy birthday otherwise! So, if I have your number and I text you it means you matter) I thought we would go for drinks when we return for freshers a few weeks away, but it never happened and after I had helped her out, she had a huge night out in the city and failed to invite me. I risked my friendship with the other girl for this one and the other girl was invited but I wasn’t! Great! It was pathetic but, now I know, its not worth helping someone else out at your risk! So forgive me if I am a heartless bitch in similar future situations, i was only trying to help!

Long distance relationships……….how do they work?

**** Warning! Soppy Alert! Don’t read on if you are liable to vom! ****

I have been very fortunate in my short life time of 21 years to have known real love. (Sure you want to read on? Bleugh!) This real love has developed through 5 and a half years of being together. Real love does not happen overnight nor does it happen after a year…I would say it took about 2 years to say well this is it, I feel unconditionally in love with you! What happens next is purely circumstantial. After 2 years (or when ever feels right) you can move in together, get a pet, get engaged, get married, then have kids and live happily ever after! Although, I have been very fortunate to be experiencing such emotion towards another person and it has happened so early on in my life, I have been unfortunate to be in a long distance relationship! (Cue funeral procession music).

I know, I know, all long term relationships take effort and end in disaster. Wrong! They can make the relationship more special, and if you happened to be in a long term relationship and it failed, it is not necessarily the long distance that caused the break up of your relationship! If you were meant to be together you still would be no questions asked. I am not saying that we have had the perfect time, all the time in 5 years we have had ups and downs, but no matter how much I think “oh god is this the end, maybe we should stop,” I can’t, it is not the fact I can’t let go, I could if it came to it as I wouldn’t want to be a bitter ex. Sure I would be upset, but for the sake of my better half I would let him go. It is the fact that the problems we have had are worth working for, even if we see each other for a short time each week, those moments are worth it. With this new job I am liable to go 2 or 3 weeks without seeing him, I don’t have time to travel like I have done. This will make the relationship harder but we can try. Right?

When we first got together it was very cutesy, usual honeymoon period, we never argued but we weren’t one of those sickly sweet couples that are snogging in the corner we had self respect (well a little anyway). We were both in different Sixth Form Colleges some 20-30 miles apart but when we were at home we were just 5 miles. Not far right? Well try living in the country and at the age of 16/17 when you are just learning to drive but still have to rely on your parents, well things get difficult. We only really saw each other once a week at weekends but not and again during the week. Especially as to travel to my college I left at like 7:15 every morning and wasn’t home until 5:30pm and had to rely on my parents to get me to the bus in the next town over and pick me up from there in the evening. Eventually we both passed our driving tests, I 5 months after him, and things got easier. Then I went to University.

My boyfriend was intending to go that year as well but he had to re do a year of college, and if he hadn’t well he would have gone to a completely different Uni and may or may not have enjoyed it! At Uni, it would change how often we saw each other, he had rugby matches every Saturday and as the Captain couldn’t really miss them. But in my second year, he joined me in the same University, not just because I was there because if we had broken up that would be awkward! But because the course there was better than his original choice, and he already new the town and night life thanks to me and his father who to had attended many years ago. That year had its ups and downs more than most we had gone from seeing each other little and often to seeing each other all the time. We had arguments, (my fault, although like the stereotypical woman I am I don’t admit it) he was trying to make new friends, I was trying to create a balance he didn’t understand, but by the end of that year I had pretty much moved in with him. (Long story, will write a post on what happened soon).  I loved his flat mates and am still really good friends with them now! I loved being there, being able to cook for each other (mainly me cooking for him, although he used to make me bacon butties and toast if he was feeling thoughtful). But then it had to end.

My final year was spent with him on placement and myself doing a dissertation I did not want to do or technically have to do because joint honours students don’t have to do it. But because I did psychology and politics, the psychology department required me to do one. I hated it. (Another post to come on the actual course choice). He was on placement, working away each week and I was still in University. We saw each other at weekends, but I felt we had regressed. We had done back and forth testing long distance out why do we have to do it again. But this time we spent the whole summer together, and this time spending so much time together seemed to work. It was nice to be free of pressure and actually able to enjoy life again. Finally we get to where we are now. My boyfriend returned to University last month, and the novelty is starting to wear off a little, especially as I have been up every weekend but this one just gone, as he had come home for the weekend (family occasions). I think it may have something to do with the whole being daunted by working full time, and being too tired to go up every weekend. But I get one last week with him before I start, due to only having to give 1 weeks notice in the end. I also, get fireworks night ( I frigging love fireworks! They are so prettiful) which I originally didn’t think it would happen! (Another downside of the country and having pets we can’t do fireworks because we are nice humans or see fireworks because we live technically in the middle of no where) It is very romantic in my opinion.

Quick tips (may update these now and again, may not):

1. It is worth it no matter how hard you have to work or how hard it is on your heart.

2. The little things matter, tidying up for each other when you do see them, cooking for them, bring a small present because it reminded you of them. I know one couple where one is in South America and the other in Britain, the one left behind received flowers. If you can afford it do it! If not just go for a romantic walk or write a letter and send it (a proper one). They do matter!

3. Appreciate the time you have, make the most of it.

4.  Consider it a life lesson, you pass this test you are on to the next level….living together or proposal if it is your religion etc.

5. In the wise words of Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack Dawson on Titanic, “Make it count,” make everything you do count for something in your relationship.

If anyone wants some support in terms of dealing with such a relationship or any relationship, I am available to play Agony Aunt within reason. If you have read this because you are in a long term relationship Good Luck and enjoy.