**Deep post coming up**
Ok, if you took the time to read my last post about long distance relationships, first of all congrats, to getting to the end of such a mammoth essay I did try to break it up in to sections….and failed! If you skim read it, shame on you…..just kidding I really don’t blame you. I can’t even be bothered to read it! As you may have seen I wrote about moving in with my boyfriend unofficially for a few months, well this is worth a post of its own!
For my second year I had moved in with my group of friends from first year, some of whom I had lived with. There were seven of us in total. I am not sure where this all started off but I have a feeling that because I was trying to balance spending time with Tom, and them that a gap grew between myself and my friends. Not helped by my need for tidy communal areas, bedrooms don’t matter because you don’t have to share a space! I could stay over at Tom’s one night and come home to a filthy kitchen, it wasn’t the washing up because that was usually piled out of the way, it was the dirty work surfaces and hob. My thinking of the situation is leave a kitchen ready to be used by the next person. The one lad I had originally got on with now annoyed the hell out of me because he was the main culprit. We had rats in the house which didn’t help so made things worse! We had been told about them by the old tenants but I dismissed them as the other tenants were messy, so entirely my fault that we had lived there, but it was cheap!
As I had a part time job, I stayed over Christmas in the house and while everyone including my boyfriend went home. I had a deal with my boyfriend and his flat mates that if any rats came out of hiding and I saw one I could move to there’s until everyone was back. I was going home a couple of days before Christmas but still wanted to be home right now. After, coming back from work one evening I locked the front door. I had originally just pushed it as it automatically locks but it bounced open, so I walked and closed it and its not one that you can leave off the latch. Well I made some food and went to bed, I could hear rats scuttling in the walls which was creepy. The next day I had a day off in the morning so woke up quite late. I went to the bathroom which was at the top of the stairs and if you stood at the top opposite was the front door down the bottom. I heard a dripping noise like a leak, I thought great we have a leak yay! So I went to the toilet and thought right lets have a quick look. I got to the top of the stairs and the front door was wide open and the rain was coming in I closed it and investigated the house. No-one there. I moved out that day to my boyfriends flat. I think this is where the tension between myself and my flat mates got worse.
I stayed over Christmas and when everyone came back I did spend the odd night at mine but I hated it after the door was wide open. I didn’t want to risk being left alone. So I unofficially moved in with him. My flat mates had grown distant during the first term so even though I had technically moved away I tried to make the effort and drop a text now and again to see if they wanted to grab coffee, or watch a movie just do things friends would do. But they weren’t seeing if I wanted to do things with them because I wasn’t there not that they couldn’t have text me! Even when I was there they left me out! Our friendship was pretty much over, not that I wanted it to be! I spent less and less time there, I wasn’t using electricity which was on a meter, I wasn’t using water or the kitchen I was still paying rent though. What really happened was that I refused to put money in to a pay for what you use machine because I wasn’t there using it. I think my flat mates thought I wouldn’t pay anything, I said I would pay the water bill because its a bill and I have used it before but because electricity is pay as you go and I wasn’t using any of it I would only pay for part of it just to keep them ticking over, and because I was renting there. Fair right? It sounds pathetic but I was on such a tight budget, if i wasn’t it wouldn’t matter. I did try and make the effort and still paid even though I shouldn’t. I even offered to come round and cook for everyone. This was when another issue started, I offered to cook for everyone, a couple even said they would do some food as well so we could have a three course meal (student life right). One of them couldn’t help out as she had Uni all day so I said its fine I will cook for you. When the other two found out they weren’t happy, because according to them she never helps out, or offers to cook etc and it ended up we all excluded her! I said it and I know I shouldn’t have but I was influenced so easily by the need to work out the tensions and be friends again! It ended upsetting her and I wanted to talk to her later that night. I found out that her and the girl who didn’t want her included had kind of fallen out and grown apart, that night we laughed we cried and I said I would have a word and just see if we could sort it out. When I spoke to the other one the next day she was very angry and accusing towards me and blamed me for it (Hint: don’t get involved, I know that now!) we ended up having a big falling out. That’s it, done. We did end up making up in the end but I gave up and spent all my time with boyfriend.
I look back and regret some of the decisions I have made at the time, I should have included everyone, I should have just paid for the electricity even though I wasn’t using it. I should have stayed quiet. For my final year I chose to live with a friend on my course (oooo another blog) and through out my final year I did make the effort to see everyone. But for the girl I had helped out and comforted after I was so mean, I had thought we were still friends, so on her 21st I wished her a Happy Birthday through text, (I don’t like doing it on Facebook, as I want to wish everyone a happy birthday otherwise! So, if I have your number and I text you it means you matter) I thought we would go for drinks when we return for freshers a few weeks away, but it never happened and after I had helped her out, she had a huge night out in the city and failed to invite me. I risked my friendship with the other girl for this one and the other girl was invited but I wasn’t! Great! It was pathetic but, now I know, its not worth helping someone else out at your risk! So forgive me if I am a heartless bitch in similar future situations, i was only trying to help!