Everyday I feel that my life is going nowhere. I went to university with ambitions but the more I got in to my studies the more that little spark of ambition flickered until finally it blew out. From being a straight A student who loved knowing things, learning and sharing that knowledge, to someone that wanted out and to be happy not stressed. I know there is always going to be stress in life but what I experienced in uni was something else. I managed to persevere and get through it but it just put me off wanting to do anything that involves an academic qualification before getting the job. I realised that the people who did well some were arseholes, and as Interpol students they are the reason politics is so bad! You get ahead by doing well! Which is great, but the amount of people who did well, most of them were just idiots (OK some were lovely, and deserve the very best I swear I am not that bitter) but I think there needs to be a way of valuing someone on personality and certain ways they behave that makes them good for the job. I just wanted to do well, but having no ambition for the actual degree did not help at all. I wanted to be happy but during uni I felt awful, I pushed my friends away through stress, I was just awful as a person.
So what now? What do I do without this spark. Well I have found writing it down helps this is why I have started this blog. I have found that I enjoy writing, I always used to until I was reeling out essay after essay of mindless words only to be marked down for not agreeing with the lecturer. I want to write for fun again, but I need the practice……I would love to get back in to the journalistic style of writing, and have even applied for jobs but due to lack of recent experience, my applications are a waste of time. I guess that’s my new ambition. I have no direction of where this is going but I do have ambition. I have no direction of where I want to go but I want to be happy, and I am lucky to have the support of my family. So for now I keep working earning some money am not going to be an idiot and wait around for the right thing I am going to work and keep applying and trying, you can have ambition but no direction. But it takes time, hopefully I will find the direction when the compass stops spinning and then I can reach out and take everything I want. I guess its just going to take a lot longer than having an actual qualification for it. I just hope this works and Ican get where iI want to be….happy and successful.