Everyday I feel that my life is going nowhere. I went to university with ambitions but the more I got in to my studies the more that little spark of ambition flickered until finally it blew out. From being a straight A student who loved knowing things, learning and sharing that knowledge, to someone that wanted out and to be happy not stressed. I know there is always going to be stress in life but what I experienced in uni was something else. I managed to persevere and get through it but it just put me off wanting to do anything that involves an academic qualification before getting the job. I realised that the people who did well some were arseholes, and as Interpol students they are the reason politics is so bad! You get ahead by doing well! Which is great, but the amount of people who did well, most of them were just idiots (OK some were lovely, and deserve the very best I swear I am not that bitter) but I think there needs to be a way of valuing someone on personality and certain ways they behave that makes them good for the job. I just wanted to do well, but having no ambition for the actual degree did not help at all. I wanted to be happy but during uni I felt awful, I pushed my friends away through stress, I was just awful as a person.
So what now? What do I do without this spark. Well I have found writing it down helps this is why I have started this blog. I have found that I enjoy writing, I always used to until I was reeling out essay after essay of mindless words only to be marked down for not agreeing with the lecturer. I want to write for fun again, but I need the practice……I would love to get back in to the journalistic style of writing, and have even applied for jobs but due to lack of recent experience, my applications are a waste of time. I guess that’s my new ambition. I have no direction of where this is going but I do have ambition. I have no direction of where I want to go but I want to be happy, and I am lucky to have the support of my family. So for now I keep working earning some money am not going to be an idiot and wait around for the right thing I am going to work and keep applying and trying, you can have ambition but no direction. But it takes time, hopefully I will find the direction when the compass stops spinning and then I can reach out and take everything I want. I guess its just going to take a lot longer than having an actual qualification for it. I just hope this works and Ican get where iI want to be….happy and successful.
After being promised in 2013 that for my 20th Birthday I could have my car put through the MOT ready for me to drive it I have finally cashed in my present! I had been saving for tax and insurance and waiting to get a job so I could afford to run it! The time came for me to have a job…and the car was still sat there relying on my parents and loving boyfriend to drive me round. But now with this new job my car having been SORN and sat in the drive for over a year, passed its MOT!!! Hooray! Only £250 to get it on the road, much cheaper than buying a new car, and I know when its running it is reliable and efficient (touch wood). As of midnight tonight I am insured on my little ford fiesta, (named Baby after the song “Go baby, Go baby, Go!” and the fact it was the same colour and similar shape to my Dad’s old Range Rover) and tomorrow I will go to the Post Office and get the tax sorted! I am so excited! On Wednesday, I get to drive to my University town to spend a chill out week with the boyfriend before I start my job, and I get to drive one of my best friends there too! OMG! I am so excited! Can you tell? Life is good right now (touch wood) especially after the disaster of University, things do look up. Onwards and upwards!
As a graduate I have found it difficult to find a real calling in life. When it first began to dawn on me that University was really not for me I was already nearing the end of my second year. I was struggling but scrapping passes, which was good right? I was at a good University, even a 2:2 would suffice? Wrong! In the end I narrowly missed out on my aim of getting a 2:2 and ended up with a 3rd class honours. What was even worse is that the University I had decided to study at back in 2011 was slowly declining in terms of credibility as a renowned institution. So now i have A degree. What the hell was I suppose to do with that? My parents had bragged about how clever I was and how I was going to be successful one day, but it wasn’t for me. I just didn’t want to do it. I was stuck. I began researching different paths to follow do I do a masters at a really low level University? Do I do a course in something? No, not yet, I am fed up of learning and I couldn’t afford it, why waste money you don’t have on something you may or may not enjoy. My only choice I decided was to get a job, some money and go from there. If I do decide to try something academic in the future after the failure of Uni, then I have that option. I carried on researching. I hate not having an aim in life! There was nothing on the internet that seemed to appeal to me. Nothing was there to help me. You see all these forums and ideas but all seemed to say “Graduate Schemes”, “Minimum 2:2 required”, “Must have relevant qualifications”. Well that’s me buggered. Ok “What to do if you don’t get what you wanted in your degree?” There were so many hits for this but mainly from people who missed out on 2:1’s, there were very few like my self who missed out on 2:2’s and even fewer who did not graduate at all. Why was I such a failure in life? The forums I did find were either replies saying “Don’t worry I did the same….” Ok care to elaborate, what did you do next? Show me the way? Or stuck up replies ” Well maybe if you had worked harder in your degree, like I did then you wouldn’t be in this position, its your own fault!” Great! Really what I wanted to hear right now! After University I moved back in with my parents in the countryside like many graduates do and I did find a job. It took me about 3 months to find one that firstly, hired me and gave me the job and second that offered enough hours to warrant travelling to, from the rural setting I now inhabit. So don’t give up! Just move in with relatives or friends don’t try to compete with others who have graduated and now have this amazing job in the city. Just go your own way and things will start falling in to place. You are not alone.